Beef

I wonder sometimes why I don't just start eating beef. Beef tastes nice. What am I saying?

This thought arose when I had the unique opportunity a few weeks back (for me anyway) to attend a black tie dinner. The introvert in me was hesitant at first, I had never worn black tie, and when I last had the opportunity to 'dress up', I was casually wearing the classic 'job interview' suit at the uni ball - come on, I was a poor student! So this time I thought, "Well, I got asked to go for doing some good work, I'm working now, maybe it's about time I bought a black tie suit!" Dress classy, dance cheesy as Psy would say.

 ...incase you still haven't heard the song!

Confirming my attendance, I had to declare any allergies I may have, just in case one has a fit at the dinner table and asks for medical attention such as an allergic peanut reaction. In addition, I had to declare any dietary requirements. For as long I can remember, when the issue of allergies or diet came up, I seem to be automatically pre-programmed to write 'no beef', even it is just a school trip to the pond to catch dragonflies, a cow might just present itself to me!- "No beef!" As usual though, most of the time no one reads these details, and so sitting at the dinner table, placed in front of me was a fat juicy dense piece of beef. I kindly declined.

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cut out and keep when you next see your beef eating friends :-) [2]
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Am I a devout Hindu or Buddhist? No. Am I a Vegetarian? No. Am I concerned about BSE or any other animal to human transferable diseases? Not really. So why don't I just start eating beef? The truth is, boring at this may sound. I've just got used to not eating beef. It's a bit like smoking, never smoked in my life, I see no particular reason why I should start now when there are [healthier] alternatives.

Admittedly, I have eaten beef.

As criminal as that might sound, those occasions have been rare, when I did not inadvertently know otherwise or didn't have a choice, so rare I could probably list them:

• Whilst working at a well known furniture chain in the UK, and possibly the world (you know who they are), I used to spend my lunch times eating their famous meatballs. I was convinced they were pork, but later realised they mixed them with beef.
• I was staying at a mates place once, he had already started cooking lunch, turned out minced beef was included.
• I don't know anyone who has not fallen for this, the McDonald’s hamburger, I swear ham means pork, it means f*cking pork I tell you! I remember checking the dictionary to check it was still ok to eat hamburgers. Even my dad, a fairly devout Nepali Hindu, fell for this when he first came to the UK, apparently he ate quaterpounders over the course of a year, and some fellow Nepali told him it was beef. I could imagine the look on his face.
• On a school trip to France, on one evening, beef was on the menu, I told the teacher I didn't want to eat beef (it was written on the allergy form!), they told the kitchen staff, but no one returned so I just ate the salad. Yes, I was still hungry :-(

So that's me and beef, I call that 'Beef Tolerance - Level 1', - forbidden by your parents/guardians to eat beef, but would still eat it, when a) your life depends on it, b) when you don't have a choice, c) when you just didn't know, as in they'll tell you it's pork, chicken, rabbit, squirrel etc, but who ever made the meat is not legally obliged to tell you there is beef in them. Also if you know there's beef in front of you, and you have the option to eat something else, you will 90% of the time eat what else is on offer.

Beef Tolerance - Level 0 is hardcore, this is when you'll get deeply offended when beef is presented to you. This is people like my parents, and any full-time Hindu or Buddhist or any other religion that doesn't allow the eating of living things. Just not having none of it. Hell, you probably won't even eat pork, or any other meat. No convincing. That's fine, that's the moral code you choose.

These posters really do my head in now, that I want to burn every single one [2].

Beef Tolerance - Level 3 is at the opposite end, though not extreme, maybe just in the eyes of some Level 0's. These folks just openly eat beef, no objections of course, it's a free world. Infact, anyone who is naive to think every Nepali doesn't eat beef, is not living a reality. Royalty is dead and so is the propaganda.

Beef Tolerance - Level 2 are like Level 1's, but they will actually not hesitate to eat beef even if given a choice, except it has to be behind closed doors or with close friends. But perhaps in front of their family or peers - they will not even dare! On one hand they'll be Level 3's - just eat it, and then on the other, Level 0's refute any such behaviour. Who are these people? Excerpts from the university of life:

- A Hindu family (deliberately not specifying any race here) I knew that fed hamburgers to their kids and Hindu guests on their son's birthday. One kid asks for a chicken burger instead, but was not allowed..lol.

- Foreign students new to the UK discover the power of McDonalds, and the persuasive price of the hamburger. Eat one of these and you've made it!

- "Beef is everywhere, it's not a Nepali cow" ... I'm not sure how to argue with this. Though, plenty have survived thirty years plus choosing not to eat beef...mmm...

I feel I have more to say, but I'll leave it there for now. The status quo continues..."No Beef".

What's your beef story?


[1] http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/6/62/British_Beef_Cuts.svg/400px-British_Beef_Cuts.svg.png
[2] http://sd.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk/i/keep-calm-and-no-beef-1.png