Nonetheless, I'm fortunate to have ALOT of relatives, mainly living in Nepal, but also in other parts of the world including the UK and USA. And it ceases to amaze me how many middle aged men and women I've had to refer to as Uncle and Auntie or some random stranger as 'dai' or 'didi'. Being a member of the Asian race, it's something you get accustomed to. Everyone is your brother or sister : - ) (except your wife or husband. Even my mum used to call her parents didi, dai (older sister and older brother). It's weird. There is just no saying who's your brother or where a certain family member fits in the family tree, maybe it's not worth us knowing - controversial subject ;)
I'll give you a recent example that made me think. I was at a wedding a few years ago, in London, UK. A nice small low key wedding for close family members. The brides and groom's families hadn't met before and so during the reception (after the ceremony), someone from the brides side (they were European) suggested everyone from the grooms side introduce themselves and their relation to the groom. So the queue went round and it came to me, and I said, "I'm so and so, and I'm his cousin, his mother and my mother are sisters". I made it clear my relation to the groom. But then about 10 other male relatives say the following in turn:
"I'm X, and I'm his brother."
"I'm Y, and I am his brother."
.
. ( yes you get the idea)
.
...and I'm Z, and funnily enough I'm also his brother."
When the groom has one real brother, how do you explain to a bunch of Europeans, who's the real brother? I know it's a cultural thing, but what's so hard about saying our exact relationship to somebody? Do we not want to come across as less important or too distant? Maybe it's just too complicated to explain what the relation is. Fear not, help is at hand, hopefully the following might be of assistance.
Unless you live in some authoritarian society, a little inquisitiveness can do no harm and a lot of great. I did some fact finding on cousin relationships on Wikipedia[1] and how you're meant to formally describe the more complicated family ties. It was all new to me, but did you know if your cousin (no not your brother or sister...lol) has a child, then that child is actually also referred to as your cousin. Well almost, as you shall see there is a correct way of describing that relationship. The way to describe that relationship you have with that relative you seem to always pass ships with is explained in the chart below.
European Kinship System - Timro bo ko ho? [1]
The system uses the idea of "degrees" and "removed" to exactly describe the relationship. So going back to the example I mentioned earlier, your cousin's child is your 'first cousin once removed'. So, using the chart, see if you can work out the correct relationship in the descriptions below (answers will be in my next blog post).So when it's your turn to describe your relation to the relative that magically appears at this time of the year, you can be a smart ass and tell them how it is : - )
1. Your Mother and your relative's Father are siblings.
2. Your grandfathers sister.
3. Your Uncle's grand-daughter.
4. Your second cousin's son.
5. Your great Aunt's great great great great grandson (Tough).
On a final note, in reality I wouldn't use the exact terms in this kinship system but I think it's helpful just to be clearer to folks that don't know you. Now if I've got you intrigued in all this cousin relation stuff, I recommend you take a read of the article over on Wikipedia [2], lots of talk about double cousins and inbreeding!
Anyway, happy holidays didi, bhaini's and dai's, bhai's (if you pardon the pun).
[1] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cousin[2]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:European_kinship_system_en.svg
